The Chaos that is Me

What do you do when your children tell you point blank they don’t want to go to their other parent’s for their scheduled visitation and their reasons are valid? I’ve known for several days that Rachel (my oldest) didn’t want to go. Every time this visitation was brought up she complained that she didn’t want to go. At first, I thought it was just because she’s at a stage where she’d rather not go anywhere, and I figured that once she got there she’d have fun. Then Abby started saying she didn’t want to go either… Again, my first thoughts were that they just wanted to stay home but would be grateful for the time with him once they got there. It’s usually how things work: they don’t want to go but then once there they don’t want to come home. Tonight they gave me their reasons for not wanting to go for a week. First off they say it’s boring and there isn’t much to do there. While it’s understandable that they might not want to go, it’s not enough to say no. Their dad doesn’t rea

I try so hard to be a good parent and to give my daughters a better childhood than I had. Call me conceited or selfish but I don't want them to look back on their childhood and think of me the way I sometimes think of my own mother. I want them to look back with fondness and love. I want them to have good memories and to always know that they were loved... I've discovered over the years that this goal is a lot harder than I had ever imagined.  I never imagined marrying an abusive man, a man that thought it was OK to tell a 4-year-old that she couldn't have anything else to drink for the rest of the night because she spilled her drink at dinner, a man that constantly lost his temper at even the smallest things. No, I definitely didn't plan on that... I didn't plan on continuing to have trouble with my back. It started unexpectedly and suddenly when I was 14 or 15 and has continued to cause problems every couple of years or so. It prevents me from sitting on the f

I'm trying to condense several posts into one post to sort of clean up my blog a bit while keeping some of what I have already said. So if some of this seems familiar to you, that's why... Not really sure where I should start this. I feel like I should introduce myself, or reintroduce myself, depending on how long you've been lurking and how much you know about me... My name is Shawna and I'm 38. My birthday is Valentine's Day, yay me! (Not really it actually sucks). I have 4 siblings: an older brother, an older sister, a younger sister, and a younger half-brother. I have 2 daughters. Rachel is my oldest, as of this post she's 12, her birthday is February 13. She's my grumpy redhead. I call her that because she's grumpy A LOT. Abigail is my baby. She hates being called that, she prefers Abby. Her birthday is July 29 and as of this posting she's 10. She's my sensitive, caring little perfectionist. They're night and day. I'm divorced

HI, guys! I'm not sure if anyone is actually reading this blog, but if you're out there please feel free to say "Hi" or you know, anything. I'm always open to constructive criticism, advice, encouragement, or just conversations. I love meeting new people! So, if you read this, please post a quick "Hi" let me know you're there and I'm not alone and talking to myself...which I frequently do anyway...LOL Hope you're all having a great day! Talk to you later! :)

This started as a thread of tweets but then I realized I had more to say, a lot more to say, than even a Twitter thread could hand and hold its meaning... My ex husband is once again threatening to take me back to court for shared parenting because I won't give him more time than the divorce decree states. The magistrate wanted to give him supervised visits but because there wasn't anyone available to supervise and she didn't want to completely take away his visitation, she went with the normal visitation schedule. He is supposed to have every other weekend and rotating holidays and there are stipulations he is supposed to abide by. He doesn't abide by these stipulations and now he thinks he can bully me into giving him more time beyond what the court gave him because I can't afford to go back to court; even though he can't afford to go back to court either.   He's living with a friend because he can't afford to turn the electricity on at th

Please read this without judgment. There are a lot of people right now that are complaining about the people that are saying they are afraid. I ask you to stop and think. I ask you to remember that just because you aren't afraid, it doesn't negate another person's fear. You cannot know what another person has been through unless they tell you in detail. Even when they do tell you what they've been through, there is NO WAY you can completely understand what they felt or what they are feeling. Even if you've been through the same things, we all experience and feel things differently. Please remember that. Please be respectful to others. To the people that are afraid. I am a safe place. ❤ I am afraid, too, in a way. I've heard a lot more sexual assault jokes since Trump won and I expect them to only continually increase. That first night I was triggered. I cried most of the night and most of the next day. Whether you agree with how I felt or not, my fe