This is my stream of consciousness writing for the day so I can at least say I wrote something today. I hate Mondays! There's always too much to do and not enough time to do it. People are always messaging me asking questions and I can't ignore them because they are relying on me to be there for them but then I'm not able to be there for myself and get my required work done. My boss says I need to work on my time management skills but all the time management skills in the world can't help me if I have too much to do and not enough time to do it in during the day. Everything has to be done before the end of the shift so how do I chose? I don't know. My head hurts, I'm stressed and overwhelmed and I just want to cry and give up and I can't. Some days I just want to quit...but I actually really like my job; I just hate Mondays!
I need a vacation but I can't afford to take time off. I need me time. I need to put me first but I can't. I hate life sometimes. I just want to curl up and write. I want to be able to focus 100% on writing and I hate that I can't. Why do we live in a world that revolves around making money for people who already have a lot of money? Why do we have to struggle so much to make other people's lives comfortable? Why do they say it's so important to live and to keep fighting and then make it soooo hard to want to keep fighting? Do they get joy in seeing people struggle? I think they do. I think they enjoy watching people suffer.
I hate Mondays so much! I want to sleep all day every Monday and never experience another one, but if I do that then that would make Tuesday suck even more than Monday does, so I can't do that. I just want to quit life. I can't quit life. I have to keep going because my daughters need me. I have to be here for them. Suck it up and keep going. I wish I had time for me. I wish I had time to get back into counseling. I wish I had time to actually enjoy being alive.
I think I'm perimenopausal and it sucks.
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